I am not only a writer I am a talker. I talk to every swing, good and bad, though I tend to talk to bad shots more than the good ones. I sometimes cuss bad shots that turn out well, which really ticks off whoever I’m playing with. I actually miss-hit my only hole-in-one, and cussed an eagle that was bladed from the fairway to the bottom of the hole.
Over the years the famous, infamous and folks you never heard of like me have had some interesting things to say about the great game. Here are just a few:
Golf is a good walk spoiled. ~Mark Twain
Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. ~Grantland Rice
Golf is like an 18-year-old girl with big boobs. You know it's wrong but you can't keep away from her. ~Val Doonican
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. ~John Updike
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken. ~Raymond Floyd
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. ~Jim Murray
A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. ~Author Unknown
If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. ~Horace G. Hutchinson
Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. ~Arthur Daley
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. ~Phyllis Diller
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top. ~Pete Dye
If I can hit a curveball, why can't I hit a ball that is standing still on a course? ~Larry
Nelson
Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward. ~Ken Venturi, on Art Rosenbaum
The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ~Author Unknown
Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. ~Michael Green, The Art of Coarse Golf, 1967
If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. ~Lee Trevino
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. ~Jim Bishop
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes." ~Henry Beard, Golfing, 1985
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose. ~Gerald Ford
The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez
A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors. ~Barry Fitzgerald, Going My Way
I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105. ~Bob Hope
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. ~Lee Trevino
Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around. ~Rick Reilly, "Master Strokes," Sports Illustrated
Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher. ~Jim Murray
No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul. ~Bruce McCall, "The Case Against Golf," Esquire
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~Sam Snead
Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. ~Tommy Armour
Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, "Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel." ~Jeff Cesario
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ~Paul Harvey
You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match. ~Steve Sax
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. ~Tiger Woods
It's so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg. ~J.C. Snead, on his putting
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~H.G. Wells, Bealby, 1915
One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. ~Don Carter
I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play. ~Lee Trevino
My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him. ~Nick Faldo, on John Daly
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. ~Author Unknown
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
26 Dreams And Even More Nightmares
A couple of months ago Colt Knost had the world by the ass. The U.S. Amateur and U.S. Public Links Amateur champion, riding high on an impressive Walker Cup victory had just turned down his automatic invitation to the Masters. Today, Colt Knost is out of a job. Not only did he fail to grab the prize PGA Card, by finishing 85th at Q-School he was two shots shy of earning Nationwide status.
On the other hand, Todd Demsey, a former NCAA champion and amateur teammate of Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, shot an impressive 8-under 64 to earn one of 26 full-exempt cards next year in the big leagues. Like Knost, Demsey was a phenomenon winning the NCAA title at Arizona State in 1993. He was teammates with Woods at the World Amateur Team Championship in 1994, and played alongside Justin Leonard in the Walker Cup. He also had the world by the ass.
But things changes. Hampered by injuries, Demsey spent only one year on the PGA Tour, then it was off to the Nationwide Tour to try and earn a second chance at the big times. In 2002, after feeling unusual pressure in his left sinus, Demsey decided to have it checked out. Unbelievably, Doctors found a tumor behind his left sinus going into his brain.
Suddenly, earning a PGA Card didn’t seem very important. It took two operations to remove the tumor, and all seemed fine until earlier this year when doctors discovered that the tumor has returned. Although Doctors believe it is benign, he will have an MRI next week to decide whether to treat it with radiation.
With a brand new PGA Card in his pocket, Demsey smiled and said, "They don't think it's going to be too much recovery time, probably just a week or so. Hopefully, I can get it done in the next week or two." That’s good news because Demsey expects to take his new PGA Card out for a spin at the Sony Open in Honolulu in January.
Other noteworthy PGA Cards went to old pro Frank Lickliter III, who won the whole thing with a whopping 29 under. Colorful Duffy Waldorf also secured his card, as did Carlos Franco with a 15 under and the semi-famous Tommy “Two Gloves” Gainey the first Big Break guy to do anything.
The heart attack cards went to David Lutterus, John Merrick and Bob Sowards who tied for the last card at 14 under par. Merrick and Sowards birdied the last hole to secure their cards while Greg Chalmers and Miguel Angel Carballo bogeyed the last hole to lose theirs. Life is hard and sometimes golf is as well.
Guys you may have heard of such as Harrison Frazar finished 12 under along with Skip Kindall and Grant Waite who were 10 under par, however all three left without a card. Esteban Toledo, who took more than 10 years to get his first card, finished in 62 place. The sons of famous fathers didn’t fare well either as Hunter Haas finished 85th and Gibbie Gilbert III 93rd. The old warhorse Steve Pate finished 141st and the once bright star Tommy Tolles could do no better than 147th.
Only the top 25 and ties were destined to have their dreams come true. The next 53 were granted Nationwide Tour exemption and the rest received limited Nationwide status whatever that means. Of those who finished, Spike McRoy, who shot 14 over, had the dubious honor of finishing last. However, it should be noted that by the second round eight guys had enough and picked up their ball and went home.
Colt Knost will have to go back to the drawing board.
On the other hand, Todd Demsey, a former NCAA champion and amateur teammate of Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, shot an impressive 8-under 64 to earn one of 26 full-exempt cards next year in the big leagues. Like Knost, Demsey was a phenomenon winning the NCAA title at Arizona State in 1993. He was teammates with Woods at the World Amateur Team Championship in 1994, and played alongside Justin Leonard in the Walker Cup. He also had the world by the ass.
But things changes. Hampered by injuries, Demsey spent only one year on the PGA Tour, then it was off to the Nationwide Tour to try and earn a second chance at the big times. In 2002, after feeling unusual pressure in his left sinus, Demsey decided to have it checked out. Unbelievably, Doctors found a tumor behind his left sinus going into his brain.
Suddenly, earning a PGA Card didn’t seem very important. It took two operations to remove the tumor, and all seemed fine until earlier this year when doctors discovered that the tumor has returned. Although Doctors believe it is benign, he will have an MRI next week to decide whether to treat it with radiation.
With a brand new PGA Card in his pocket, Demsey smiled and said, "They don't think it's going to be too much recovery time, probably just a week or so. Hopefully, I can get it done in the next week or two." That’s good news because Demsey expects to take his new PGA Card out for a spin at the Sony Open in Honolulu in January.
Other noteworthy PGA Cards went to old pro Frank Lickliter III, who won the whole thing with a whopping 29 under. Colorful Duffy Waldorf also secured his card, as did Carlos Franco with a 15 under and the semi-famous Tommy “Two Gloves” Gainey the first Big Break guy to do anything.
The heart attack cards went to David Lutterus, John Merrick and Bob Sowards who tied for the last card at 14 under par. Merrick and Sowards birdied the last hole to secure their cards while Greg Chalmers and Miguel Angel Carballo bogeyed the last hole to lose theirs. Life is hard and sometimes golf is as well.
Guys you may have heard of such as Harrison Frazar finished 12 under along with Skip Kindall and Grant Waite who were 10 under par, however all three left without a card. Esteban Toledo, who took more than 10 years to get his first card, finished in 62 place. The sons of famous fathers didn’t fare well either as Hunter Haas finished 85th and Gibbie Gilbert III 93rd. The old warhorse Steve Pate finished 141st and the once bright star Tommy Tolles could do no better than 147th.
Only the top 25 and ties were destined to have their dreams come true. The next 53 were granted Nationwide Tour exemption and the rest received limited Nationwide status whatever that means. Of those who finished, Spike McRoy, who shot 14 over, had the dubious honor of finishing last. However, it should be noted that by the second round eight guys had enough and picked up their ball and went home.
Colt Knost will have to go back to the drawing board.
The Science And Witchcraft Of Golf Balls
As with everything else in golf, most golfers have a favorite brand of golf balls. Whether or not this preference is based on sound scientific reasoning is doubtful because of the one word that applies to every aspect of golf. Can you guess what that word is?
The magic word in golf is feel; but like the untrustworthy moonlight that flatters your blind date, you can’t always depend on feel… or at least not mine. Sometimes my “feel” is based on one swing on one hole. Sometimes my “feel” is based on what someone told me. And, because I have a tiny little brain, sometimes my “feel” is based on something I read in a golf article like this.
At one time or another, I have played with every golf ball on the market for every reason imaginable. Some were gifts, some were cheap, some were the only thing available, and some were used in a never-ending, not so scientific, quest for the elusive long-ball.
Frankly, I don’t know how to test a golf ball. I have tried playing a round at my home course using the fairway landmarks that I know, but because I am so inconsistent I can fly any ball almost any distance, and if gaining an extra 10-yards is considered a big deal, then my bladed five-iron is the perfect scientific measuring stick.
What exactly is feel, anyway? Are some people born with it, while others will never have it? Can it be learned, developed, bottled and resold by Butch Harmon, David Ledbetter and Hank Haney?
I have seen remarkable examples of feel. Jim Furyk knew when the clubmaker added one extra layer of tape under his grip, and he would not allow the shaft manufacturer to changes the graphics on the shaft because it changed the weight five-grams (five-grams is what a post-it note weighs). On the other hand, Fred Couples seems to be able to play with any old set of clubs. I’ve known professional golfer who didn’t know their swing weight, and then there were guys like Ben Hogan who knew everything about his clubs and yours.
Here are the few things that I think I know about golf balls. Spin equals lift. Lift helps you attain optimum launch angle. However, if your ball spins too much it will balloon and you will lose distance. The more club-head speed you have the less spin is required to obtain optimum launch angle. That’s why Tiger can hit a one-iron as high as you and I hit a five-iron. It’s artillery practice and the bigger your cannon the longer and higher your cannon ball will fly.
Spin is also the father and mother of the hook and slice. The more the ball spins off center, the more hook or slice you will have. In these cases, the problem is with the swing not the ball, but if you can’t fix the swing perhaps you had better change balls.
Here’s a revelation; you can play the correct ball and still not strike it very well. Sometimes (most of the time with me), it is the Indian and not the arrows. Which for me means that confidence is the most important aspect of “feel”, and if you feel more confident with a fifty dollar a dozen ball than a fifteen dollar a dozen ball, you should go with whatever you feel confident about. That reminds me of the story of the guy who, after hitting three brand new ProV1s into the water hazard, was asked by his playing partner, “Why don’t you use an old ball?” to which he answered, “I never had one.”
I personally abide by the $10 rule, which states that you should never lose more than $10 worth of golf balls on any single hole.
Here’s what Brandon Sowell of Bridgestone Golf has to say on the subject: “For the industry as a whole, it’s fairly evident that solid-core golf ball technology and three-piece urethane cover construction have had the biggest impact. Seamless Cover Technology allows players to experience unparalleled flight consistency, regardless of whether they strike the ball on the equator or on one of the poles.
“The biggest mistake that I’ve seen is that the average golfer doesn’t always buy the best ball to maximize their game. Some may choose a model based on what their friends use or what guys on Tour are playing. Another mistake we see is that the ones who do choose a ball based on their swing only look at swing speed. In order to get the best ball for your game, it’s important to look at the total equation. For instance, launch angle and the optimal spin rate should also be a consideration for golfers. Every golfer should be fit on a launch monitor to find out what ball is best for them.”
So I guess a launch monitor is the answer to my question about how to test golf balls. Now all I need is someone to loan me the money to buy ten different sleeves of golf balls.
You’re right, there is no cure for cheap.
The magic word in golf is feel; but like the untrustworthy moonlight that flatters your blind date, you can’t always depend on feel… or at least not mine. Sometimes my “feel” is based on one swing on one hole. Sometimes my “feel” is based on what someone told me. And, because I have a tiny little brain, sometimes my “feel” is based on something I read in a golf article like this.
At one time or another, I have played with every golf ball on the market for every reason imaginable. Some were gifts, some were cheap, some were the only thing available, and some were used in a never-ending, not so scientific, quest for the elusive long-ball.
Frankly, I don’t know how to test a golf ball. I have tried playing a round at my home course using the fairway landmarks that I know, but because I am so inconsistent I can fly any ball almost any distance, and if gaining an extra 10-yards is considered a big deal, then my bladed five-iron is the perfect scientific measuring stick.
What exactly is feel, anyway? Are some people born with it, while others will never have it? Can it be learned, developed, bottled and resold by Butch Harmon, David Ledbetter and Hank Haney?
I have seen remarkable examples of feel. Jim Furyk knew when the clubmaker added one extra layer of tape under his grip, and he would not allow the shaft manufacturer to changes the graphics on the shaft because it changed the weight five-grams (five-grams is what a post-it note weighs). On the other hand, Fred Couples seems to be able to play with any old set of clubs. I’ve known professional golfer who didn’t know their swing weight, and then there were guys like Ben Hogan who knew everything about his clubs and yours.
Here are the few things that I think I know about golf balls. Spin equals lift. Lift helps you attain optimum launch angle. However, if your ball spins too much it will balloon and you will lose distance. The more club-head speed you have the less spin is required to obtain optimum launch angle. That’s why Tiger can hit a one-iron as high as you and I hit a five-iron. It’s artillery practice and the bigger your cannon the longer and higher your cannon ball will fly.
Spin is also the father and mother of the hook and slice. The more the ball spins off center, the more hook or slice you will have. In these cases, the problem is with the swing not the ball, but if you can’t fix the swing perhaps you had better change balls.
Here’s a revelation; you can play the correct ball and still not strike it very well. Sometimes (most of the time with me), it is the Indian and not the arrows. Which for me means that confidence is the most important aspect of “feel”, and if you feel more confident with a fifty dollar a dozen ball than a fifteen dollar a dozen ball, you should go with whatever you feel confident about. That reminds me of the story of the guy who, after hitting three brand new ProV1s into the water hazard, was asked by his playing partner, “Why don’t you use an old ball?” to which he answered, “I never had one.”
I personally abide by the $10 rule, which states that you should never lose more than $10 worth of golf balls on any single hole.
Here’s what Brandon Sowell of Bridgestone Golf has to say on the subject: “For the industry as a whole, it’s fairly evident that solid-core golf ball technology and three-piece urethane cover construction have had the biggest impact. Seamless Cover Technology allows players to experience unparalleled flight consistency, regardless of whether they strike the ball on the equator or on one of the poles.
“The biggest mistake that I’ve seen is that the average golfer doesn’t always buy the best ball to maximize their game. Some may choose a model based on what their friends use or what guys on Tour are playing. Another mistake we see is that the ones who do choose a ball based on their swing only look at swing speed. In order to get the best ball for your game, it’s important to look at the total equation. For instance, launch angle and the optimal spin rate should also be a consideration for golfers. Every golfer should be fit on a launch monitor to find out what ball is best for them.”
So I guess a launch monitor is the answer to my question about how to test golf balls. Now all I need is someone to loan me the money to buy ten different sleeves of golf balls.
You’re right, there is no cure for cheap.
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